Baseball

Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contract; I’ll win a pennant every year.
Sparky Anderson

He looks like a pair of pliers.
Johnny Bench, on the lanky Von Hayes

My gum company made a $40-million profit last year, and I can’t get the financial writers to say a word about it. But I fire a manager and everybody shows up.
Phillip Wrigley

Better Than Gold
You must guard against the lie that you have nothing to invest. When it comes to your future, any little bit helps.
T.D. Jakes

Politics

Cooledge was the only president nobody ever knew when he was acting, and when he wasn’t. He was like a ukelele. You know, you can’t ever tell when somebody is playing one, or just monkeying with it.
Will Rogers

The election isn’t very far off when a candidate can recognize you from across the street.
Kin Hubbard

The cheapest way of tracing your family tree is to run for public office.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away.
Barbara Kingsolver

Poetry, Meetings and Human Nature

Free verse: A device for making poetry easier to write and harder to read.
H.L. Mencken

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.
Joe Heuer

Human nature: Something that makes you swear at a pedestrian when you are driving and at the driver when you are a pedestrian.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
Impossibilities vanish when a man and his God confront a mountain.
Robert Schuller

Intelligence

Genius has limits; stupidity does not.
Elbert Hubbard

If you don’t think too good, don’t think too much.
Ted Williams

Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.
Garrison Keillor

Better Than Gold
Swim upstream. Go the other way. Ignore the conventional wisdom. If everybody else is doing it one way, there’s a good chance you can find your niche by going in exactly the opposite direction.
Sam Walton

Parenting

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, “What light?” and two more to say, “I didn’t turn it on.”
Erma Bombeck

Not every child psychologist is a bachelor, but every bachelor is a child psychologist.
Anonymous

There comes a time when rebellious young people should take their turn as adults against whom the next wave of youngsters can rebel.
D. Sutten

Better Than Gold
I don’t believe makeup and the right hairstyle alone can make a woman beautiful. The most radiant woman in the room is the one full of life and experience.
Sharon Stone

Planning

Planning: The art of putting off until tomorrow what you have no intention of doing today.
Bob Phillips

Dad showed me the importance of planning for the future by never throwing away anything that “might come in handy one day.”
William Dane

Nothing seems to bring on an emergency as quickly as putting money aside in case of one.
Lynne Youdin

Better Than Gold
Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I will give you a man who will make history. Give me a man without a goal, and I will give you a stock clerk.
J.C. Penney

Money

A smart father teaches his son how to make money, because he knows that somewhere a smart mother is teaching her daughter how to spend it happily.
Anonymous

People want economy, and they will pay any price to get it.
Lee Iacocca

If you would lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money.
Benjamin Franklin

Better Than Gold
I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou