Tact, Zeal and Praise

Social tact is making your company feel at home, even though you wish they were.
Anonymous

Zeal: A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
Anonymous

We bestow on others praise in which we do not believe, on condition that in return they bestow upon us praise in which we do.
Jean Rostand

Better Than Gold
Understand that often when you have searched in vain for a solution to a problem, you can find it by helping someone else solve his or her problem. By the time you have solved the other person’s problem, you will have the insight to solve your own.
Napoleon Hill

Football

When he says, “Sit down!” I don’t even look for a chair.
Anonymous, on Vince Lombardi

It’s the one where the player pitches the ball back to the official after scoring a touchdown.
Bear Bryant, on his favorite move

If he wanted me to run 26 miles through hills, I would. If he wanted me to carry water bottles, I would. If he wanted me to get my hair cut like his . . . well, you have to draw the line somewhere.
Babe Laufenberg, on Jimmy Johnson

Better Than Gold
Perhaps most endearing is my dad’s great belly laugh when my irreverent mom tells a joke. In this, he taught me an equally important and valuable lesson – to love and enjoy my spouse in things big and small.
Jennifer Granholm

Parenting

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.
Arnold Glasgow

My parents were pleased that I was in the army. The fact that I hated it somehow pleased them even more.
Barry Humphries

Fathers are what give daughters away to other men who aren’t nearly good enough so they can have grandchildren that are smarter than anybody’s.
Paul Harvey

Better Than Gold
But where was I to start? The world is so vast, I shall start with the country I know best, my own. But my country is so very large. I had better start with my town. But my town, too, is large. I had best start with my street. No, my home. No, my family. Never mind, I shall start with myself.
Elie Wiesel

Suffering, Swaps and Parties

It is easier to suffer in silence if everyone knows about it.
Anonymous

Swap: A trade between two people who think they skinned each other.
Anonymous

Hosting your child’s party is like an exercise in riot control. Suddenly you find yourself spotting the ring leaders, appealing to the more moderate children to try and keep order, abandoning the living room to the mob and trying to consolidate your power base in the kitchen.
Jeremy Hardy

Better Than Gold
Luckily, there is a way to be happy. It involves changing the emphasis of our thinking from what we want to what we have. Rather than wishing your spouse were different, try thinking about her wonderful qualities. Instead of complaining about your salary, be grateful that you have a job.
Richard Carlson

Marriage

The Japanese have a word for it. It’s judo – the art of conquering by yielding. The Western equivalent of judo is “Yes, dear.”
J.P. McEvoy

My toughest fight was with my first wife.
Muhammad Ali

You know the honeymoon is over when the husband takes his wife off the pedestal and puts her on a budget.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
Integrity is keeping my commitment even if the circumstances when I made the commitment have changed.
David Jeremiah

Talk

How come when people are whispering, the only thing you can hear is your name?
Tom Wilson

Just give me a shave. I haven’t got time to listen to a haircut.
Anonymous

There’s nothing wrong with having nothing to say – unless you inisist on saying it.
Bob Phillips

Better Than Gold
When you’re not thinking about yourself, you’re usually happy.
Al Pacino

Locks, Conclusions and Politicians

I have six locks on my door, all in a row, and when I go out I only lock every other lock. Because I figure no matter how long somebody stands there and picks the locks, they’re always locking three.
Elayne Boosler

A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
Martin Fisher

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other 10 percent a bad reputation.
Henry Kissinger

Better Than Gold
You must have long-range goals to keep you from being frustrated by short-range failures.
Charles Noble