Opera, Acting and Poetry

No opera plot can be sensible, for in sensible situations people do not sing.
Wystan Auden

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.
Anonymous

My favorite poem is the one that starts “Thirty days hath September” because it actually tells you something.
Groucho Marx

Better Than Gold
A single line in the Bible has consoled me more than all the other books I ever read.
Immanuel Kant

Size

That’s why I’m so doggone short. He keeps patting me on the top of the head whenever I do something right.
Mary Lou Retton, on her coach, Bela Karolyi

I knew we were in trouble when we got there and their cheerleaders were bigger than us.
Matt McDonagh, after his elementary school soccer team was eliminated in the city playoffs

Charles joined my family for a day at the beach and my children asked if they could go into the ocean. I had to tell them, “Not right now, kids. Charles is using it.”
Pat Williams, on 260-pound power forward Charles Barkley

Better Than Gold
Gentleness (a willingness to decrease our lectures and increase our tender expressions of love) is a key to marital growth. Tenderness acts like a firebreak to an advancing, angry forest fire.
Gary and Norma Smalley

Adversity

Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Ambrose Bierce

It is the nature of all people to believe every calamity happening to them a trial, and every one happening to others a judgment.
Anonymous

Never position a rock near a hard place.
Rohan Candappa

Better Than Gold
The secret to realizing any long-term ambition is achieving dozens of short-term goals.
Rick Pitino

Parenting

Parents are not really interested in justice. They are interested in quiet.
Bill Cosby

I’ve learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose.
Anonymous, 7-year-old

This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).
Bill Cosby

Better Than Gold
Oh, the great joy there is in helping others, perhaps the greatest joy. You cannot have a perfect day without helping others with no thought of getting something in return.
John Wooden

Government

Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens. And then everybody disagrees.
Will Rogers

The most delicious of all privileges – spending other people’s money.
John Randolf, on serving in Congress

Isn’t there something we can appear to be doing?
Henry Cabot Lodge, in a letter to Theodore Roosevelt during the 1902 coal strike

Better Than Gold
Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.
Newt Gingrich

Food

Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Sophia Loren

Jelly is a food commonly found on kids, bread and piano keys.
Anonymous

Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.
Yogi Berra, when asked whether he wanted his pizza cut into four or eight slices

Better Than Gold
It is not the greatness of my faith that moves mountains, but my faith in the greatness of God.
Anonymous

Debt

An acquaintance is a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce

My wife just underwent plastic surgery. I cut up her credit cards.
Anonymous

I was feeling irritable and moody. It was that difficult time of the month when the credit card statement arrives.
Julie Walters

Better Than Gold
Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
Spanish proverb