Fathers

You know you’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Peter Kay

A father is first a curiosity, then an amusement-park ride, then a referee and finally a bank.
Anonymous

“What in the world are you doing down there?” Mom would shout down to the basement. “Just tinkering,” would come Dad’s response. He’d be happily rearranging empty paint cans, sorting rusty bent nails from not-so-rusty bent nails and contemplating exactly where to put up a set of shelves.
Allen Delaney

Better Than Gold
I don’t buy the cliché that quality time is the most important thing. If you don’t have enough quantity you won’t get quality.
Leighton Ford

Anger

Angry wife to husband: “You are being deliberately calm.”
Anonymous

The most exquisitely satisfying act in the world of golf is that of throwing a club. The full backswing, the delayed wrist action, the flowing follow-through, followed by that unique whirring sound, reminiscent only of a passing flock of starlings, are without parallel in sport.
Henry Longhurst

I don’t enjoy playing video golf because there’s nothing to throw.
Paul Azinger

Better Than Gold
A man who loves life intensely must be always jealous of the few exquisite moments of leisure that he has. His hours of fishing must be as sacred as his hours of business.
Lin Yutang

Getting Advice

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
Erica Jong

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.
Steve Martin

We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
If you follow your passion, the money will follow. But if you chase the almighty dollar, you can easily lose that and end up with nothing.
Elizabeth MacKay

Sports

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
Anonymous, You’re in Colorado when . . .

I have recently taken up two new sports, roller-skating and ankle-spraining, in that order.
Miles Kington

My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
Rita Rudner

Better Than Gold
Women are realizing now that it’s hard to be Super Woman. It isn’t so great to double your family’s income, if it means you have to turn your back on your family and your home.
Martha Stewart

Shopping

A woman does not spend all her time buying things; she spends part of it taking them back.
Edgar Howe

If you don’t know what you want, we have it.
Sign in antique shop

Shopping Preparation: Herd a flock of goats through the grocery store. Always keep every goat in sight and bring enough money to pay for whatever they eat or destroy.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
To find a big opportunity, seek out a big problem.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Aging

When you get old, everything is hurting. When I get up in the morning, it sounds like I’m making popcorn.
Lawrence Taylor

When a rookie asked me if he could take my daughter out on a date.
Reggie Lemelin, on when he knew it was time to retire

What’s nice about the Senior Tour is you can’t remember your bad shots.
Bob Bruce

Better Than Gold
My father helped us to understand that the richest things in life have little or nothing to do with their material assets. It is family, community and service to others that make us rich, and he was the living embodiment of that principle.
Michale Dukakis

Punctuality

It’s easy to tell those who have never had much experience in committee work – they always get to the meeting on time.
Anonymous

I am a believer in punctuality, though it makes me lonely.
E.V. Lucas

My Aunt Minnie would always be punctual and never hold up production, but who would pay to see my Aunt Minnie?
Billy Wilder, on Marilyn Monroe’s unpunctuality

Better Than Gold
A goal isn’t truly a goal until a time schedule has been worked out for its fulfillment. Once you have answered what you will do, you must then decide when you expect to complete it. Until that happens, a goal still lives in the land of dreams.
John Stanko