Children

A two-year-old is like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

Don’t squat with your spurs on.
Noronha, age 13

Nathan Haley said, “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country.” This has come to be known as Haley’s comment.
Larry Wolters, nine-year-old’s answer on test

Better Than Gold
A life is not important except in the impact it has on others.
Jackie Robinson

Money

Joint account: An account where one person does the depositing and the other the withdrawing.
Anonymous

There are a handful of people whom money won’t spoil, and we all count ourselves among them.
Mignon McLaughlin

I’d just take up a collection.
Anonymous, policeman’s response to the question, “How would you break up a crowd?”

Better Than Gold
It has been said that children learn from what they see. If that is true, then I was watching a living visual aid by observing the way my mother endured hardship. Little did she know that some of my greatest lessons came from watching her not complain or whine when the task was tough, even when she wanted to quit.
T.D. Jakes

Household Items

Wastebasket: Something to throw things near.
Anonymous

Flashlight: A mechanical device used by people to carry around dead batteries.
Anonymous

I bought a tube of Krazy Glue and the label fell off.
Jay Leno

Better Than Gold
Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low, could still be saved.
Søren Kierkegard

Politics

One way to make sure crime doesn’t pay would be to let the government run it.
Ronald Reagan

Successful politician: A person who can stand on a fence and make people believe it’s a platform.
Joe Griffith

Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.
Ronald Reagan

Better Than Gold
All successful employers are stalking men who will do the unusual, men who think, men who attract attention by performing more than is expected of them.
Charles Schwab

Money

There’s nothing like being a dad. Though shoveling money down a bottomless hole comes close.
Myra Zirkle

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
Anonymous

The easy way to teach children the value of money is to borrow from them.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage – pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically – to say “no” to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside. The enemy of the best is often the good.
Stephen Covey

Travel

The first one to see the light turn green is the driver of the second car back.
Terry Marchal

The only way of catching a train, I discovered, is to miss the train before.
G.K. Chesterton

Seasickness comes in two stages – in the first, you’re afraid you’re going to die, in the second, you’re afraid you’re not going to.
Sandi Toksvig

Better Than Gold
Pay bad people with your goodness; fight their hatred with your kindness. Even if you do not achieve victory over other people, you will conquer yourself.
Henri Frederick Amiel

Speech

I guess I should warn you, if I turn out to be particularly clear, you’ve probably misunderstood what I’ve said.
Alan Greenspan

Most people tire of a lecture in ten minutes; clever people can do it in five. Sensible people never go to lectures at all.
Stephen Leacock

Hubert, a speech, to be immortal, doesn’t have to be eternal.
Muriel Humphrey, to her husband

Better Than Gold
I keep reminding myself that there are advantages to slowing down and taking a walk with someone who studies the cracks in the sidewalk. The idea is not to get somewhere in a hurry, but to enjoy going nowhere slowly. Sometimes, by growing up, we outgrow the ability to relax and enjoy. Children can teach us to remember to play and to smell the flowers.
Teryl Zarrow