Boys

A boy becomes an adult three years before his parents think he does, and about two years after he thinks he does.
Lewis Hershey

Home to the small boy is merely a filling station.
Anonymous

It is a mistake to believe that because a boy is quiet, he is up to mischief; he may be asleep.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
A show of emotion – is that effeminate? I’ll be frank with you – that’s a sign of a great man. A man who can pull his boy aside and say, “My life would not be the same if I lost you; my life has been transformed now that you’ve come into our home; you have no idea of what you have meant to me,” is a man who will reproduce himself in his son.
Charles Swindoll

Golf

When your car was stolen you said your golf clubs were in the trunk. You failed to mention your wife was in the front seat.
David Harbough

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
Henry Beard

There are times when I find myself wishing that my wife would learn to like golf – not to the point of taking it up herself, of course, but perhaps to the point of joining me some afternoon for a few happy hours spent watching videotapes of my swing.
David Owen

Better Than Gold
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Food

There ought to be some way to eat celery so it wouldn’t sound like you were stepping on a basket.
Kin Hubbard

My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines.
Anonymous

An Irish farmer, to cover the possibility of unexpected visitors, can often be found eating his dinner out of a drawer.
Niall Toibin

Better Than Gold
I try to make time for reading each night. In addition to the usual newspapers and magazines, I make it a priority to read at least one newsweekly from cover to cover. If I were to read only what intrigues me – say, the science and business sections – then I would finish the magazine the same person I was when I started. So I read it all.
Bill Gates

Meetings

The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.
Anonymous

A meeting consists of people talking for hours to produce a result called minutes.
Milton Berle

Whoever invented the meeting must have had Hollywood in mind. I think they should give Oscars for meetings: Best Meeting of the Year, Best Supporting Meeting, Best Meeting Based on Material from Another Meeting.
William Goldman

Better Than Gold
Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity – a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother.
Rose Kennedy

Advice from Others

When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck

When we ask advice we are usually looking for an accomplice.
Charles de La Grange

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
Henry Beard

Better Than Gold
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw

Children

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
Martin Mull

Bath time is successful when your kids get wetter than you do.
Dee Ann Stewart

My parents never smiled . . . because I had brain damage. My wife and I don’t smile because our children are LOADED with it. Oh, my parents smile now, whenever they come over to the house and see how much trouble I’m having. Oh, they have a ball! “Havin’ a li’l trouble, huh, son?”
Bill Cosby

Better Than Gold
True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.
Arthur Ashe

The Arts

My career must be slipping. This is the first time I’ve been available to pick up an award.
Michael Caine

To write songs, I usually need a reason. Like not having any money.
Willie Nelson

It’s annoying to have a song running through your mind all day that you can’t stop humming. Especially if it’s something difficult like “Flight of the Bumblebee.”
George Carlin

Better Than Gold
Illness knocks a lot of nonsense out of us; it induces humility, cuts us down to size. Only when the gate grows narrow do some people discover their soul, their God, their life work.
Louis Bisch