Parenting

Whoever said, “Money can’t buy happiness,” never sent his children to summer camp.
Anonymous

Almost every child would learn to write sooner if allowed to do his homework in wet cement.
Anonymous

I’m trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.
Erma Bombeck

Better Than Gold
A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.
Thomas Carlyle

Journalism

The best headlines never fi
Bernard Levin

Sometimes the media writes what I say and not what I mean.
Pedro Guerrero

Editor: A person employed on a newspaper whose business is to separate the wheat from the chaff and see that the chaff is printed.
Elbert Hubbard

Better Than Gold
I know the secret to success. It is my friend, Discipline.
Bella Karolyi

Music

The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished learning them as when you start.
Thomas Beecham

You know you’re going out with someone too young for you when they say, “Did you know Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?”
Anonymous

Highbrow: A person who can listen to the William Tell overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
My father always used to say, “Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.” Good sense does not always lie with the loudest shouters.
Desmond Tutu

Intellectual, Compliments and Mountains

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.
Anonymous

Some people pay a compliment as if they expect a receipt.
Kin Hubbard

Mountain climbers say they climb mountains “because they’re there.” Somebody ought to let them know that that’s the same reason most of us go around them.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
There are hazards in everything one does; but there are greater hazards in doing nothing.
Shirley Williams

Hockey

It’s like going out with the best-looking girl in high school. You know she’s going to dump you eventually. But still, you’ve got to go for it.
Gord Stellick, on being the Maple Leafs’ GM under Harold Ballard

Geez, I hate to waste my goal in a practice game.
Craig Ludwig, on scoring in an exhibition game after scoring only six goals in five seasons

Goaltending is a normal job. Sure! How would you like it in your job if every time you made a small mistake, a red light went on over your desk and fifteen thousand people stood up and yelled at you?
Jacques Plante

Better Than Gold
A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills and uses those skills to accomplish his goals. Even when I lost, I learned what my weaknesses were, and I went out the next day to turn those weaknesses into strengths.
Larry Bird

Teens

No need to worry about your teenagers when they’re not at home. A national survey revealed that they all go to the place – “out” – and they all do the same thing – “nothing.”
Bruce Lansky

It isn’t what a teenager knows that worries his parents. It’s how he found out.
Ann Landers

Signs you may be living with a teenager: your car insurance suddenly costs more than your car, your gas tank is always empty and your laundry basket is always full.
W. Bruce Cameron

Better Than Gold
The New Testament is the best book the world has ever known or will know.
Charles Dickens

Innovation

The trouble with high-tech is that you always end up using scissors.
David Hockney

Always be wary of any helpful item that weights less than its operating manual.
Terry Bratchett

Gadget: Any mechanical device that performs a kitchen task in one-twentieth the time it takes to find it.
Anonymous

Better Than Gold
God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too wise to be unkind. When you can’t trace His hand, that’s when you must learn to trust His heart.
Charles Haddon Spurgeon