A mother in Montana simply could not get her ten-year-old to tuck in his shirttails – until, one night, as he was sleeping, she sewed a lace edge on the bottom of each of his shirts.

When I was six I made my mother a little hat – out of her new blouse.
Lilly Daché

When it comes to clothes, I never argue when our kids come back from the store with something that’s garish, outlandish, bizarre, in bad taste and an affront to all normal sensibilities. I just say I like it. They take it back the next morning.
Robert Orben

Better Than Gold
Humble people are confident, yet they seek to serve others as well as themselves. They are aware that fulfillment is directly related to building up and encouraging others. Because of this attitude, others are naturally drawn to humble people.
Max Davis


All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
Red Skelton

All I remember about my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a double-header.
George Will

I was at a party feeling very shy because there were a lot of celebrities around. I was sitting in a corner alone and a beautiful young man came up to me and offered me some salted peanuts. Handing them to me, he said, “I wish they were emeralds.” That was the end of my heart; I never got it back.
Helen Hayes, on meeting her future husband

Better Than Gold
A reasonable cash reserve (approximately three months of income) should be maintained for emergencies such as layoffs, illnesses and emergency giving.
Larry Burkett


You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers

Housework is something you do that nobody notices unless you don’t do it.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first is hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck

Better Than Gold
Going to a junkyard is a sobering experience. There you can see the ultimate destination of almost everything we desire.
Roger von Oech


I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield

Flight attendant: “Mr. Ali, please fasten your seat belt.”
Muhammad Ali: “Superman don’t need no seat belt.”
Stewardess: “Superman don’t need no airplane, either.”

Getting hit.
Sugar Ray Robinson, on what he liked least about boxing

Better Than Gold
Hang out with people in the slow lane. Take the time to learn, make friends, appreciate things. The fast life is over quick.
Rudy Sanchez


Summer camps make a determined effort to hire staff members who meet the highest possible standards of maturity and responsibility. But eventually they give up and hire college students.
Dave Barry

Not me, but some of the kids who have dogs did.
Anonymous, little boy, when his parents asked him if he got homesick at camp

Summer camp is where the parents spend a thousand dollars so their daughter can learn to make a fifty-cent potholder.

Better Than Gold
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.
Zig Ziglar


I have a marvelous meatloaf recipe. All I do is mention it to my husband and he says, “Let’s eat out.”

It is no use trying to empty a sugar bag. You will always hear more sugar rattling around inside an empty sugar bag. Just throw it away.
Miles Kington

He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it, hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart.
C.S. Lewis

Better Than Gold
The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.
J.D. Salinger


You spend a billion here and a billion there. Sooner or later, it adds up to real money.
Everett Dirksen, Illinois Senator

No matter what your religion, you should try to become a government program, for then you will have everlasting life.
Lynn Martin, U.S. Representative

Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tentative agreements. . .
Dave Barry

Better Than Gold
Perseverance can do anything which genius can do, and very many things which genius cannot.
Henry Ward Beecher